Okay so I was literally mid-sip of my matcha latte when this landed in my feed and I GASPED. Audibly. My whole flock in the open-plan office looked at me. No cap, this is giving full chaos energy and I cannot.

So here's the tea. 🍵

Zoom, yes THAT Zoom, the app your Shepherds use to look confused on camera for 45 minutes instead of sending an email, had a CRITICAL hole in the fence. CVE-2026-22844, a remote code execution flaw sitting in the Node MMRs like a tick just waiting to burrow in. A wolf could theoretically waltz right through and execute whatever they want on your system. Whatever. They. Want. The audacity is actually sending me.

And GitLab? Bestie was out here with a Distributed Denial of Sheep vulnerability AND a 2FA bypass. A 2FA BYPASS. That's like having an electric fence and then leaving a little door in it with a sign that says "please knock." The Lambs trusted you, GitLab. The Lambs TRUSTED you. 😭

The cringe factor on these vulnerabilities is genuinely off the charts. Like, we are in 2026. We have the Sky Pasture. We have so many beautiful tools. And yet here we are, patching holes in the fence that should never have existed. It's giving 2014 energy and I will not be accepting it.

The real villain here though? The Shepherds who will read this blog post, nod slowly, and then do absolutely nothing until Q3. You know who you are. 👀

PatchOrPerish #ElectricFenceDown #ZoomAndDoomed #GitLabGotGotted

🐑✨ Remediation (aka: Please Do These Things Bestie)

For the Flock and the Shepherds, here is your non-negotiable shearing checklist:

• Dip and shear immediately. Update Zoom and GitLab to their latest patched versions RIGHT NOW. Not after your standup. Now.
• Check your 2FA setup across ALL the things. If GitLab's bypass has you shook, audit who has access to what. The Sky Pasture demands respect.
• Audit your Node MMR configurations if you are running Zoom in any kind of enterprise setup. A wolf in there is a catastrophic no from me.
• Tell your Lambs. Run a quick internal comms blast. Unpatched software is basically fake grain and the wolves are HUNGRY.
• Make your Shepherds sign off on a patch timeline. In writing. Today. I'm serious, bestie.

Stay sheared out there, the wolves are NOT playing this season 🐺🚫

Original Report: https://thehackernews.com/2026/01/zoom-and-gitlab-release-security.html